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12- Pack 9/9/2004
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. ...
0 Comments,
41 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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350 Pounder? 9/9/2004
What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
Broke!
0 Comments,
20 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 9/9/2004
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My ...
0 Comments,
55 Views,
9 Votes
,6.20 Score
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69 9/9/2004
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No,
but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw
in one night.”
0 Comments,
62 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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77 9/9/2004
Why is 77 better than 69? 'Cause you get 8 more!
0 Comments,
30 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score
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80-Pounder 9/9/2004
Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts!
0 Comments,
24 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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A Crappy Date (A True Story) 9/9/2004
Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives
in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College.
For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is
also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date,
but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and
musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they
make ...
0 Comments,
40 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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A Few Good Lawyers 9/9/2004
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly,
he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and
neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping
in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me
screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
0 Comments,
81 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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A Hole in the Head 9/9/2004
Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain.
0 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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A Little Testy 9/9/2004
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the
doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for
her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects
she was experiencing.
''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving
me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're
giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places
that I've never grown hair before.''
...
0 Comments,
51 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Alabama Vasectomy 9/7/2004
After having their 11th , an Alabama couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So
the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he
and his cousin didn't want to have any more .
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A
less costly alternative, " said the doctor, "is
to ...
0 Comments,
108 Views,
18 Votes
,5.72 Score
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NEVER SAY TO A COP... 9/7/2004
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
(OK in Texas.)
<br>
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector
wasn't plugged in.
<br>
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
<br>
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to
keep up with me. Good job!
<br>
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
<br>
6. I thought ...
0 Comments,
88 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score
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bad jokes 8/29/2004
Does anyone out there know of any bad or tasteless jokes?
I'd love to hear them...
0 Comments,
67 Views,
21 Votes
,0.16 Score
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cocksucking frog 8/27/2004
A man brought home a cocksucking frog and gave it to his wife.
she said "what the fuck am i ment to do with that"?.
He replyed "teach it to cook and fuck off"!!!!
0 Comments,
73 Views,
74 Votes
,5.64 Score
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Would you? 8/25/2004
Two guys are walking down the street and see a on the lawn,
licking his balls.
<br>
One guy says to the other, " Man, I sure wish I could
do that".
<br>
The other guy says, " Don't you think you ought
to pet him first?"
0 Comments,
48 Views,
51 Votes
,5.53 Score
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10 oneline b/s lines 8/25/2004
10. "I'm in this private room consoling a depressed
friend".
<br>
9. "You're different...........I've
never felt like this about someone I've never met before."
<br>
8. "I'm new online and haven't had time to
create a profile...............but tell me more
about yourself."
<br>
7. "I never do cybersex!! Yet here in this room alone
with you, well I'm ...
2 Comments,
60 Views,
38 Votes
,1.58 Score
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The penis list 8/25/2004
The Taco Bell Penis
Yo quiero penis.
<br>
The 7-Up Penis
The UN-penis.
<br>
The AT&t Penis
Reach out and touch someone.
<br>
The Alka-Seltzer Penis
Pop, pop, fizz, fizz...Oh, what a relief it is...
<br>
The All State Penis
You're in good hands.
<br>
The American Express Penis
Don't leave home without it.
...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
48 Votes
,4.27 Score
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Golf Genie! 8/23/2004
A Husband takes his hot young wife to play her first game
of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot
right through the window of the biggest house adjacent
to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you
to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the
owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going
to cost us."
<br>
So the couple walked up ...
0 Comments,
70 Views,
55 Votes
,9.03 Score
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Some questions to ponder 8/22/2004
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic
Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98 or XP, you have to click on
"Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial ...
0 Comments,
46 Views,
43 Votes
,7.62 Score
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Friendship 8/18/2004
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship"
poems that always sound good, but never actually come close
to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really
speaks to true friendship:
<br>
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
<br>
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is ...
0 Comments,
244 Views,
24 Votes
,6.65 Score
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Corporate Lessons 8/18/2004
Corporate Lesson #1
<br>
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds
of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell,
the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and
runs downstairs.
<br>
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
neighbor. Before she ...
0 Comments,
70 Views,
62 Votes
,9.83 Score
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banana 8/17/2004
what did the banana say to the vibrater.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
I dont know why your shaking shes going to eat me.
0 Comments,
48 Views,
46 Votes
,6.46 Score
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heart warming story 8/16/2004
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed
between a
little girl and some construction workers that makes you
believe that
we CAN make a difference when we give a the gift of our
time...
<br>
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day
a construction crew turned up to start building a house
on the empty
lot. The young family's ...
0 Comments,
67 Views,
41 Votes
,8.41 Score
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martha stewarts tips for rednecks 8/16/2004
GENERAL:
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting
at them.
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
the sheets.
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included
in the will, it is still
rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
> ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
44 Votes
,7.47 Score
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Hamster-bation 8/15/2004
If you have raised (or been one), and gone
through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burial
for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing
out LOUD!
<br>
Overview: I had to take my 's hamster to the vet.
<br>
Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night,
my came up to tell me there was "something wrong"
with one of the two hamsters he holds ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
40 Votes
,8.43 Score
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Political correctness 8/13/2004
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT Women and be POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND ...
0 Comments,
50 Views,
30 Votes
,7.55 Score
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A cute story that was sent to me, you decide! 8/13/2004
UVILLE & THE BINCH
<br>
Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.
The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say,
It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that ...
0 Comments,
60 Views,
20 Votes
,6.06 Score
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after reading 8/12/2004
After reading about the evil of smoking,
i quit smoking.
After reading about the evil of drinking,
i quit drinking.
After reading about the evil of sex,
i quit.......... reading.
0 Comments,
28 Views,
45 Votes
,6.66 Score
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after reading 8/12/2004
After reading about the evil of smoking,
i quit smoking.
After reading about the evil of drinking,
i quit drinking.
After reading about the evil of sex,
i quit ..........
reading.
0 Comments,
32 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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2 fish in a tank 8/11/2004
2 fish in a tan k, one says to the other " you drive and
I will fire the gun "
0 Comments,
111 Views,
58 Votes
,0.97 Score
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